there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
