there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
