i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
