her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
