Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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