Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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