I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
