I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
this hospital has no fireball
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
