yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
