I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
