She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
