my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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