I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
