My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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