I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
