I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
