i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
