forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
