i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
