there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
