ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
