His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
this will be a night to untag.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
