I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
