What did we do last night that was yellow?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
