I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
