i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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