I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
