I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
