Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
