it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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