2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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