Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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