there's paper in my vomit.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
