Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
