My nipple is on Facebook.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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