You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My penis needs a shock collar
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
