i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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