I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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