It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Terrible idea I love it
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
