I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
