hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
