Need sex. Gaining weight.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
