I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
