Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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