You really coming over, don't trick.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
