And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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