I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
