Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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