if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
