I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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